Last night E brought up Total Power Exchange, or TPE. This is the idea that I release every aspect of my life into her control. In a complete TPE relationship, the Dominant party has complete and absolute power over the submissive. I believe that we are moving in this direction, and eventually, we will be in a TPE relationship.

Right now, my biggest concern is over my professional life. I love my current career, and I am hesitant to release control of my employment to E. I don’t think that right now I could accept her telling me to quit my job and do something else.

She did make a good argument to allay my fears though. She pointed out, that since she knows that I love my job, that she would not force me to change it, since that would make me very unhappy. She also reminded me that if he had been in a TPE relationship several years ago, she would have made me leave my previous job well before I was held up at gun-point. She mentioned how unhappy I was there, but was afraid to leave, due to my resistance to and fear of change.

Perhaps in the future, after we have built the trust to the point that I know that every decision E makes is in my best interest, I will be willing to place my professional life in her loving hands.

As we move forward, I will continue to talk about TPE and what it means to us.

I have read recently in different discussion forums about the various fears that many submissives face. One of the biggest is the feeling of a “loss of self;” the fear that you as a person no longer has any meaning, and that your ideas, fears, and feelings will no longer matter. Unfortunately, many times when people post on forums about this fear, they are often flamed, told by others that as a submissive, there fears/ideas no longer matter and they should just get used to it.

I have to disagree with these assertions. We all follow the same code of safe, sane, and consensual. If the sub’s ideas and fears are not allowed to be expressed, and then addressed, then the relationship breaks this code; as it may not be consensual in the eyes of the submissive.

I have not yet found a way to remove these fears completely, but E and I have thought of several methods by which we can mitigate any fears/concerns and consider any ideas that I might have. The first is simple, I know deep in my heart that I can trust E with my life. This trust allows me to rely on E not to ask or require me to do something that would hurt me physically, emotionally, or mentally.

The second method we have found to help mitigate my fears has been to set up a time each day, in bed just before sleep, where I can express my thoughts and ideas without fear of punishment or discipline. So for example, I can express that today I felt some resentment over the imbalance of daily work we each do. I can tell her that today I had thoughts of “Why can’t you do that for yourself?” without fear that I will be disciplined or punished.

This time allows us to talk about my feelings as well as hers and look for a way to help resolve and mitigate those feelings. So far this has worked very well for us, and until we have fully defined our boundaries and roles, I expect that we will continue to do this on a regular basis. Once we have worked thought the major things, this time will not be utilized as much, but still be available if either of us needs it.

So to all of those who are afraid of losing their identity or “self” to their Dom, just remember, that everything must be consensual, and in that you are an equal party.

I had a revelation last night. I had never before quite realized the power a symbol can have on your mindset and thought patterns.

Last night when I got home from work, I put on my training collar. For the past few days I had not been wearing the collar outside of play, and I had been getting a little grumpy over E’s dominance. The little voice in my head had started to say “Why can’t you do it?” My mind was trying to revert back to the old mindset.

However, when I put on the collar, the little voice went away, and I felt “at home” and loved, even though E was out at work. I then looked at the house and realized that the kitchen and family room needed to be cleaned. So with a happy heart I went to work. After I finished with the kitchen, and started dinner for us, and went down and cleaned the family room. And when E came home, dinner was done, and the house was clean and presentable. This entire time, I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do. The night before I had seen the need to clean, but did not have any desire to do it; rather I wanted to just sit and watch TV.

I think that for the next few months, I will need to wear the training collar whenever I am at home to help keep me in the submissive mindset. We know from behavior studies that it takes up to two months to develop habits and behavioral changes, and the collar appears to be a symbol that my mind responds to.

Last night we went out to the monthly erotic massage night. Tonight was fun, as there was an hour of instruction prior to the massage period, so we were able to get more ideas on the how aspect of erotic massage.

E (my wife) commented to to me as we were leaving, that she had a hard time relaxing during the massage, since she was effectively handing over control to me. It has only taken a short period of time, but she is already adopting and embracing the dominant mindset. For me, I found it easier as I framed it in my mind that I had been ordered to massage her.

This is ever a learning process and the further down the road we get the more instinctive our roles will become. I look forward to the day when we both just know where we both stand in relation to each other!

Last night, my wife and I had a solid conversation on ways to institute a D/s relationship in our household 24/7. She suggested that we change our thought patterns regarding ownership of our personal property, the house, cars, and all of the other stuff people need to live. She asked if I wanted to change the mental ownership of everything from “ours” to “hers”.

This idea has powerful implications. Mentally, it effectivly puts me into a submissive mindset, since I am relying on her to allow me to continue to live there and use items. So, to keep my exsiting privilages, I must be submissive and ask for her permission to use anything in the house. It also implys that anything at any time can be taken away at any time for any reason.

I know that this will be hard implement at first, since we both have to overcome our existing 50/50 ownership ideology. I feel better knowing that this will be just as hard for her to do as for me, but I think if we give it a try, and persevere, it will deepen our D/s relationship.

While part of me is very nervious giving up this basic control over my life, a larger portion of me is excited that I will be more fully under her control.

Her Perspective: 

As he said, changing my thought patterns to take ownership of everything will not be easy for me, either. I appreciate and truly believe we have acquired everything we have together because we’re such a good team, and I’m not anxious to discard that philosophy. Perhaps it’s just a matter of keeping that idea, and adding that ‘we’re both transferring ownership to me because it’ll deepen and reinforce our dynamic.’

I know I’m going to have trouble changing and this too will be a joint venture. As I start to use ‘my,’ I’m going to need him to remind and reinforce it with ‘your,’ I need him to give me ownership as much as we need me to take it.

WifeDomme