It is strange how this world works. For many people January 1st is the day that they decide on what goal they are not going to accomplish in the coming year. For me, January 1st was a major turning point in how I viewed my wife and our relationship.

My wife and I have been married for close to four years, and dated for four years before that. She commented to me the other day that “she had spent her whole adult life with me, and has grown and matured with me.” So my paradigm shift, which occurred on the 1st, was rather surprising. I wanted to submit my will to my wife.

It may sound strange, but looking back, I now believe that this is what I have always wanted. I have felt strange before; looking back at my childhood, I remember wanting to be a butler or waiter at the tender age of seven. As I grew older, these ideas were pushed out, as society and culture imprinted its gender roles on us.

After I got married to my wonderful wife, I found myself deferring to her judgement. For most of my marriage, I rationalized this in my mind as ‘by keeping the wife happy, the man will be especially happy.’ I did not recognize it for what it actually was – the desire to be controlled by my wife. Western-puritanical ideology strives so hard to place the gender roles as the man as the dominant member of a relationship, with the wife serving his needs and wants, that I was unable to recognize who and what I was.

So here we are today, the 9th of January, and after having many discussions with my wife, who is overjoyed that I have become more open in my affection, communication, and devotion, beginning the new year with a new relationship and a new meaning in life:

To love, support, and submit to my loving, caring, and understanding wife.

Her Perspective: 

January 13, 2007 wifedomme said,

…And, boy, it was bright!

Part of me was shocked at his revelation. I mean, we’ve been discussing my desire for a male sub for months, he’s read my personals ad and watched me meet prospective subs and talk about toys, but never showed an interest beyond some light bedroom domination, which hardly matched my desire to explore my sadistic side and be served in all ways. This summer we did checklists together and found our interests weren’t terribly compatible, so we’d decided to explore separately. His desire to make me floggers (and then be beat with them), wear a collar, and serve me seemed to come out of the blue.

In addition, when he started sharing his thoughts and feelings on submission, he got emotional. He’s always said he’s repressed and has never shown much emotion, whereas I’m very emotional. My previously
quiet guy who more put up with my affection and sought hugs for my sake suddenly NEEDED every bit I could give him. He came to me for hugs, kisses–any kind of caring touch and attention–then soaked them up like a dry sponge as fast as I could give them! My confident, fairly autonomous husband needed a ton of reassurance and attention rather suddenly.

All of this was a shock, as he was like a different person as we discussed, cuddled, played and made love. However, it was a very good one, and I felt our relationship start to move to a new level, with a stronger bond, more communication, trust, and respect as we each met more needs for each other.

I suppose there was another part of me that wasn’t surprised by his revelation. As much as I was always striving for equality and shying away from dominating because I saw being domineering, controlling, or even too assertive as negatives, I have long seen our fundamental D/s dynamic. Perhaps I just didn’t want to recognize it in my quest for the perfect egalitarian relationship, but now I see our history in a new light. He’s always deferred to me and given me what I wanted because he wanted to make me happy. Of course I’ve done the same for him, but the way we worked well for so many years as a vanilla-ish couple definitely had a certain D/s structure/undercurrent. Now that we’ve officially and outwardly recognized that 27/7 D/s is what we want and need, my reservations about being controlling, assertive, served, etc., have all but disappeared, and that feels incredibly good.

I, too, am overjoyed with my love’s transformation. I love seeing him more free, happy, affectionate, devoted, emotional and fulfilled. I want nothing more than to meet his needs as my submissive husband by allowing him to meet mine and guide him in his exploration.

We have been together for a very long time and had an incredible journey that I’ve always looked forward to continuing it very much, but now I feel a new, indescribable level of excitement about my love, our relationship and our future. And I feel so blessed because I know we are perfect for each other and only have an incredible life to look forward to.