09.15.08

Reality Vs. Fantasy in 24/7 Femdom D/s TPE FLR

Posted in BDSM, Domination, FemDom, Life in General, Love & Sex, Loving Female Authority, Submission, kink, submissive at 11:17 am by hersforever

I am always amazed at the disconnect many people seem to have when it comes to 24/7 D/s relationships.  Now, I am not saying what E and I practice is the rule.  In fact, we will be the first to say that each couple defines what D/s, TPE and FLR is to them, but I think that what we practice is both common and safe and sustaining.

Yesterday, E showed me a post on a Femdom forum by a man who has entered in to a FLR relationship with his wife.  From the post, this was something he as asked her to try, and they had bought some “Handbooks” off the internet.  His question to community was if he could talk to her about a punishment she had administered.  She had used a bull-whip on him, and not being skilled with the whip, had wrapped the whip around waist and kidneys and broken the skin.  He wanted to know if he could tell her how much it hurt, and that he did not feel comfortable with her using a bull-whip on him.  He had read in their “handbooks” that he should never “complain” about punishment because it would undermine her authority.  Thankfully, most of the replies to his post told him yes, he can talk to her about it.

Another common post that I see at D/s sites is “Can I be a slave if I work as a _______” Overwhelmingly, the answer is yes.  D/s is what we each make it.  Most slaves do NOT spend every minutes of their life chained in cage in the basement only allowed out at the Domme’s discretion.  This is a great scene, but not very realistic in terms of a 24/7 relationship.  While this idea is often the slaves fantasy, most Dommes do not find this attractive.  They would rather have their slave working, if for no other reason than to bring in income for them!

In our household, I still get up everyday and go to work.  When I come come I have chores to do, bills to pay, and dinner to cook.  While I might be doing all of my chores wearing only boxers and my leather collar, when we go out I put on vanilla clothes.  The biggest difference between our household and that of my vanilla friends is that I do not make the final decision in anything.  I can give my input and opinion, and E will consider it, but the final decision rests with her.  If she chooses she can disregard my opinion completely, but in actuality, she rarely does.  She understands that I am just as important to the relationship, and that by listening to and respecting my opinions I don’t feel marginalized or objectified.  Her responsibility to me is to respect, love, protect, and make decisions that benefit both her and me.  Just as my responsibility to her is to accept her authority, and do everything in my power to make her happy.  If she tells me to do something I don’t want to do, I know that she is telling me to do it in order to help me grow as her sub/slave.

I feel that too many people don’t spend to much time really talking to their Domme/Partner and try to rush into a relationship dynamic based too much on the fantasy and not common sense.  For example, in the first post, he actually bought the bull-whip for her to punish him with knowing she had no experience or skill with it.  Not only could she do very serious damage to him, but also to herself!  In the second post, the poster had the idea that to be a good sub/slave he needed to spend every minute of every day with his Mistress.  That he would have to give up everything in his life to become her sub/slave.  In my humble opinion, being a sub/slave is mostly about a mindset and a way of living life.  For most of us, it is not trying to live a fantasy that is best expressed in a scene.

So, if you are new to D/s, TPE, and FLR, my advice is to read!  Get knowledgeable about what you want, and is practical.  Learn that D/s, M/s, and every other form is power exchange is what you make it, that there are no set rules, only the rules that make you happy.

09.10.08

Communication

Posted in BDSM at 1:08 pm by hersforever

Last night, E and I had a good conversation.  Two days ago, I asked E if we could play, but she told me she was not feeling well, and we would see.  In the end, we did not play, but she told me that we would this week.  Last night, she still was not feeling well, but she let me cuddle her as she petted me.

I found this just as rewarding as any other scene, since I know that some of my desire to play is a deep desire for attention.  It does not need to be impact, wax, fire, or needles to be satisfying, and I found myself trying to cuddle so close and to get inside of her(figuratively, not sexually), to be one with her, and let her love and commitment to me wash over and into me.

One big advantage of cuddling, is that it gives us time to talk without interruptions.  She told me that she wants me to continue to work on my communication.  I know that this is something I need to work on, as I am still very much a prude in a lot of ways.  My family upbringing did not encourage sex or discussion of sex.  For example, I have a very difficult time talking about what i want.  It will be in my head clearly, but getting my mouth to form the words takes a lot of effort.

E mentioned that she had posted on a forum asking for Lazy Domme ideas.  Somethings she can do, when she does not feel well.  One of the responses she got was humiliation.  But this is something we have not done yet, as she does not know what would work in a scene but not damage my psyche outside of the scene.  She knows that some subjects won’t work on me very well.  Especially the things I endured in Middle School, (e.g. penis size) as I have build up defenses to those, so she asked me what I thought would humiliate me.  The first thing that came to my mind clearly was “If you tell me that you have been unsatisfied with all of our sexual activities.  That you had been faking things for years.”  But for several minutes all I could say was: “If you tell me…uh…” Take a deep breath, “If you tell me…uh….”  I eventually got it out, and hugged me, and kissed my forehead.

Then told me that she was was proud of me, but wanted me to continue to work on my communication.  And one way I can do that is by writing every day about what I am thinking about.  This can be on the blog, or a written paper journal or anything I felt comfortable with.

I will try to put some of these things here on the blog, and I may keep a paper journal as well.  I want to improve myself, so that we can continue down our road together and not get knocked off course by speed bumps!

09.09.08

Homecoming

Posted in BDSM, Life in General, Loving Female Authority, Submission, kink, submissive at 11:41 am by hersforever

Well, it was a long summer but I am finally back at home.  From now until April, all of my business trips will be one day, or at most an overnight.

Back at home, I am having an easier time re-entering my sub mindset.  Last year, I had a very hard time readjusting after returning from the summer.  After four months of being on my own, in control, and working twelve to sixteen hours a day seven days of week, I had rebelled against giving up my freedom again.

This year, I have been able to put my collar back on, take a deep breath, and feel contented.  I still need my leather collar.  Before I left for the summer, Mistress and I picked out a heavy silver snake chain necklace for me to be my permanent collar.  We still need to have the clasp changed from a lobster clasp to something that locks, but even so, it is still symbolic.  I have been wearing necklaces for over fifteen years before I began D/s, so most of the day I don’t feel it on my neck.  My leather collar, I feel that.  It is tighter across my neck, and is much wider so that whenever I turn my head, I can feel the leather pressing against my throat.  I can feel the weight of the buckle against my collar bone, and that feeling helps me fine balance within myself.

Last week, I told E about a woman I saw in a store.  I felt I had to tell her because of the reaction I had to this woman.  This woman was cute, not pretty, but the moment I saw her, I had an intense sexual attraction.  She was about 5′ 5″ average build, but it was how she was dressed that I reacted to.  She was a mix of goth and white trash, and .  Her hair was dyed very close to black and put up on her head, she has multiple piercings, nose, eyebrow, lip, and her makeup while not true dark goth, was still darker than most people would wear.

When I told E about the event.  She asked me if I was attracted to piercings.  I told the truth, and said yes.  She looked at me, and then told me that she would be willing to get a genital piercing if I was willing to get a tattoo showing her ownership of me.

Now, we have talked about tattooing before.  I am not opposed to the idea, but I have had some concerns about the process.  I have psoriasis, and have had it since middle school.  I now have about 15 to 20% of my body covered with the stuff.  I know from past experience that if I get a cut, or abrasion on my skin, I am more likely to develop a new patch of psoriasis at that location.  Since tattooing traumatizes the skin, I have been worried about causing a new outbreak.  But since this last discussion, I have done more research on tattoos and psoriasis, and it appears to have a low rate of causing new outbreaks.  Especially if you follow the aftercare procedures.

So I have been looking for tattoo ideas online…