September 15, 2008

Reality Vs. Fantasy in 24/7 Femdom D/s TPE FLR

Posted in BDSM, Domination, FemDom, kink, Life in General, Love & Sex, Loving Female Authority, Submission, submissive at 11:17 am by hersforever

I am always amazed at the disconnect many people seem to have when it comes to 24/7 D/s relationships.  Now, I am not saying what E and I practice is the rule.  In fact, we will be the first to say that each couple defines what D/s, TPE and FLR is to them, but I think that what we practice is both common and safe and sustaining.

Yesterday, E showed me a post on a Femdom forum by a man who has entered in to a FLR relationship with his wife.  From the post, this was something he as asked her to try, and they had bought some “Handbooks” off the internet.  His question to community was if he could talk to her about a punishment she had administered.  She had used a bull-whip on him, and not being skilled with the whip, had wrapped the whip around waist and kidneys and broken the skin.  He wanted to know if he could tell her how much it hurt, and that he did not feel comfortable with her using a bull-whip on him.  He had read in their “handbooks” that he should never “complain” about punishment because it would undermine her authority.  Thankfully, most of the replies to his post told him yes, he can talk to her about it.

Another common post that I see at D/s sites is “Can I be a slave if I work as a _______” Overwhelmingly, the answer is yes.  D/s is what we each make it.  Most slaves do NOT spend every minutes of their life chained in cage in the basement only allowed out at the Domme’s discretion.  This is a great scene, but not very realistic in terms of a 24/7 relationship.  While this idea is often the slaves fantasy, most Dommes do not find this attractive.  They would rather have their slave working, if for no other reason than to bring in income for them!

In our household, I still get up everyday and go to work.  When I come come I have chores to do, bills to pay, and dinner to cook.  While I might be doing all of my chores wearing only boxers and my leather collar, when we go out I put on vanilla clothes.  The biggest difference between our household and that of my vanilla friends is that I do not make the final decision in anything.  I can give my input and opinion, and E will consider it, but the final decision rests with her.  If she chooses she can disregard my opinion completely, but in actuality, she rarely does.  She understands that I am just as important to the relationship, and that by listening to and respecting my opinions I don’t feel marginalized or objectified.  Her responsibility to me is to respect, love, protect, and make decisions that benefit both her and me.  Just as my responsibility to her is to accept her authority, and do everything in my power to make her happy.  If she tells me to do something I don’t want to do, I know that she is telling me to do it in order to help me grow as her sub/slave.

I feel that too many people don’t spend to much time really talking to their Domme/Partner and try to rush into a relationship dynamic based too much on the fantasy and not common sense.  For example, in the first post, he actually bought the bull-whip for her to punish him with knowing she had no experience or skill with it.  Not only could she do very serious damage to him, but also to herself!  In the second post, the poster had the idea that to be a good sub/slave he needed to spend every minute of every day with his Mistress.  That he would have to give up everything in his life to become her sub/slave.  In my humble opinion, being a sub/slave is mostly about a mindset and a way of living life.  For most of us, it is not trying to live a fantasy that is best expressed in a scene.

So, if you are new to D/s, TPE, and FLR, my advice is to read!  Get knowledgeable about what you want, and is practical.  Learn that D/s, M/s, and every other form is power exchange is what you make it, that there are no set rules, only the rules that make you happy.

4 Comments »

  1. susans.pet said,

    I am glad to see you back. I may have said this already, but your expressed thoughts are so much like mine, I could have written them.

    My wife prefers to treat me and consider me more of a pet than a slave. Yet, when I asked her, “Would you whip your pet like you whip me?, she said she would not. I guess she wants caring but submissive companion more than a slave. But where do we draw the line?

  2. Dordknore said,

    What do you mean? He was looking at Francisco. He answered, I dont know. But he did not answer. So that I may give it to the press. We are dealing with a matter of science. This is the only establishment left. One cannot tell its nature, or its future .

  3. LiemaElitle said,

    Boots done, he stayed seated, staring at the brightly colored rug beneath his feet. Another, smaller, band of rogues was being watched in a different part of the city. Not body and soul. She swallowed her protest. Frustration and anger buzzed, blurring her vision. Now, again, there were tunnels. Gala caught Eyrhaen watching them and smiled. A soothing warmth pulsed within her, her goddesss spell primed. Would he think she was taunting him now? You need to understand that I wont stand in the way anymore. One bright white brow arched high, and he cocked his head, considering. Go away, go away, go away. She found her own breath finally, staring up at him. He kissed her before she could answer, lips pressing to hers. The larger part of her brain writhed with the rest of her body. A palm smoothed over her ass. He, too, enjoys your garden. It doesnt exist, just as a truematch shouldnt exist —a little bitterness there— for elvenborn women. I fell in love with you when I was only a shadow in the darkness. He watched, eyes hooded, as she climbed to her knees, then edged toward him.

  4. [...] stereotypes that people forget that this should be fun for everyone involved. The very fact that this post (which is excellent) even had to be written is a testament to that. Without getting too ranty, it [...]


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