What the Collar means to me
We need symbols. We have symbols for nearly everything that are valued as important. We have national flags, corporate logos, sports teams logos, promise rings, and wedding rings. We are constantly surrounded by items or pictures that are used to represent a particular ideology, thing, or behavior. They have powerful meanings, and often strong emotions attached. We have seen people fight over them, go to court over them, and even die over them. We are enraged and threatened when a symbol we believe in appears to be threatened. How many Americans get angry and upset over seeing a protest flag burning, even as we understand that the person committing the act has a right to express their ideology though that act?
In marriage, however you define it, the core symbol is the wedding ring. A symbol that can be traced back nearly 5000 years. It is used to express many different things, depending on the culture in which it is given. In D/s the most common symbol of the commitment between the Dominant and the submissive/slave is the collar.
The collar is a symbol, and it can be represented by different objects. Some people use a traditional collar, others a modified vanilla necklace, a ring, a bracelet, an anklet, or even a tattoo. It can be anything, that the Dom and the sub/slave agree upon.
To me, the collar represents many ideas all rolled into one. It represents permanent commitment, acceptance, love, dedication, and service. It means that the sub/slave has committed their entire being to their Dom. To love, serve, protect, and trust in their Dom to have their physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing at heart. To understand that their Dom will always try to do whats best for both the Dom as well as the sub, even if the sub/slave does not understand why. The collar represents the power that the sub/slave has voluntarily given up and turned over to their Dom.
The Dom giving the collar accepts the sub/slaves commitment and understands that they are responsible for their sub/slave. That their decisions need to keep the sub/slave’s wellbeing in mind, and to help the sub/slave achieve happiness and fulfillment. To push their sub’s boundaries, if necessary, to achieve the Dom’s happiness and fulfillment.
For a collared relationship to be successful in the long run, both Dom and sub/slave must be happy and feel that each other complete the other. Communication is essential, so that issues can be addressed quickly, and not allowed to fester and poison the trust. To me, giving and receiving a collar should be done with the same level of emotion, commitment, trust, loyalty, and love that the wedding ring represents.
