January 21, 2010
Alexander is on his way!
E and I are in the the final trimester of the pregnancy. We started labor classes last week, and we found it amusing how many people want to use drugs during the labor. Of course, E says she wants all the drugs they can give her, but I was expecting more people to be trying things “naturally”. This is the Northwest after all!
About a month ago we started the baby registry, and had a lot of fun walking around Babies R Us and Target with a scanner. It is amazing how many things we in western society think are necessary for raising a baby. Most of the world get by just fine with nearly nothing!
My 31st birthday is coming up this weekend, and I am considering asking E for a scene for my birthday. Over the last year we have digressed into a fairly vanilla (with D/s overtones) daily routine. This is mostly my fault, as I had a freakout last spring over D/s, and then was traveling for work from April until September. Then there was the pregnancy, and that changed all of our patterns. I think I will sit back down with her, and try to restart some of the more intense D/s play.
October 12, 2009
We can hear the Heart!
We went to the OBGYN last friday. E is at 16 weeks, and we were able to hear heartbeat better today. Thankfully, there is only one…I don’t know if I could handle twins. We scheduled an ultra-sound and soon should have a picture of the munchkin. Hopefully, everything looks good.
October 1, 2009
Its time to return to writing
Hey everyone,
Well, the busy summer is over, and I am finally home for another year. This year was the longest away from yet, at four months and eleven days on the road. There are times when I wonder why I put myself though it….
E and I are pregnant. Is has taken over 2 years, but it finally happened. So now we starting to get things done around the house to get ready. Two weeks ago we finally had a garage sale, to get rid of things we had not used for over 1 year, since we needed to clear out the room we had set aside for the baby. Until now, this room had been an extra storage space. I am also in the process of remodeling our master bath, and that should be done by the end of the weekend.
As for D/s, thinks are hard to do while I am traveling, the constant hotels and driving leave me very tired, and due to the nature of the work, I find myself totally absorbed in the work, with no time to think of anything else. Even when E travels with me, which she does when I am in the Northwest, we are both tired and so not much happens.
For example, E brought with her our needles, but we never had a chance to play with them, since a flogger may not work too well in a hotel room where someone might call the police…:) It is hard to keep the mindset going, but I try in small ways, deferring to E whenever I can.
Now we are at home, but due the pregnancy, a lot of days E does not feel well, so anything intimate gets pushed off. When she is nauseous, I don’t want to ask for anything, since I want her to have fun, and being sick is not fun. We will see as we get further into the pregnancy if she begins to feel better, I hope for her sake that she does.
Well, that it for now, but I will be back soon! Talk to you all later!
November 26, 2008
Sorry to keep you waiting
Hey Everyone,
Sorry I have not written in a while. Work has stayed busy, and I just keep forgetting to write. So far, not much as changed. E and I are still D/s, the economy has crashed, and the holidays are comming up.
E and I have been poly for about four years, and I keep meaning to write on some of the issues that I see regarding poly and D/s. I am still trying to find answers to questions, and have not come to any definitive conclusions yet, so I have hesitated to write anything yet. Hopefully, I can put some of my thoughts to paper soon!
I hope you are having a good holiday, and that the economic downturn is not hitting you to hard!
Hersforever.
September 10, 2008
Communication
Last night, E and I had a good conversation. Two days ago, I asked E if we could play, but she told me she was not feeling well, and we would see. In the end, we did not play, but she told me that we would this week. Last night, she still was not feeling well, but she let me cuddle her as she petted me.
I found this just as rewarding as any other scene, since I know that some of my desire to play is a deep desire for attention. It does not need to be impact, wax, fire, or needles to be satisfying, and I found myself trying to cuddle so close and to get inside of her(figuratively, not sexually), to be one with her, and let her love and commitment to me wash over and into me.
One big advantage of cuddling, is that it gives us time to talk without interruptions. She told me that she wants me to continue to work on my communication. I know that this is something I need to work on, as I am still very much a prude in a lot of ways. My family upbringing did not encourage sex or discussion of sex. For example, I have a very difficult time talking about what i want. It will be in my head clearly, but getting my mouth to form the words takes a lot of effort.
E mentioned that she had posted on a forum asking for Lazy Domme ideas. Somethings she can do, when she does not feel well. One of the responses she got was humiliation. But this is something we have not done yet, as she does not know what would work in a scene but not damage my psyche outside of the scene. She knows that some subjects won’t work on me very well. Especially the things I endured in Middle School, (e.g. penis size) as I have build up defenses to those, so she asked me what I thought would humiliate me. The first thing that came to my mind clearly was “If you tell me that you have been unsatisfied with all of our sexual activities. That you had been faking things for years.” But for several minutes all I could say was: “If you tell me…uh…” Take a deep breath, “If you tell me…uh….” I eventually got it out, and hugged me, and kissed my forehead.
Then told me that she was was proud of me, but wanted me to continue to work on my communication. And one way I can do that is by writing every day about what I am thinking about. This can be on the blog, or a written paper journal or anything I felt comfortable with.
I will try to put some of these things here on the blog, and I may keep a paper journal as well. I want to improve myself, so that we can continue down our road together and not get knocked off course by speed bumps!
April 28, 2008
And Work is back with a Vengence
Everyone,
I have not forgotten about you, or about my blog, but I must admit that things will be slow until the end of the summer. My job has me traveling and working about 18 hours a day for the next four months or so. As I have time, I will try to post, but I am finding that at the end of each day, all I want to do is call E, and listen to some music and sleep…
So please be patient, and I will write again…
Hersforever
March 30, 2008
Back Home for a While
Well I am back home in the Northwest again. Sorry I have not written, but I was on a business trip last week through the southern and central San Joaquin valley in California. If you have been reading my posts, you may have noticed that I spend most of the summer traveling for work, and this was the first trip of this year.
When I flew in last night it was snowing. E picked me up at the airport and took me out to dinner, since I was not able to get anything to eat before my flight left Sacramento. She dressed up for me, and put on her trashiest clothing and put on more makeup than usual for me. I am finding that I like her a little trashy. smile
After a nice dinner, we headed home, and I started a fire in the living room, and E allowed me to rub her feet. The more I rub her feet, the more I find it helps me to center myself and allow my submission to bloom. I am not sure why it is, but sitting on the floor at her feet and carefully rubbing her feet returns me to my submissive mindset.
My job requires me to be a type A personality, and portray a chauvinistic male machismo. There are few women working at the upper levels, and a lot of woman working at the minimum wage level, so there is an unspoken feeling of male superiority throughout the industry. When I travel, I flip into this mindset, and I find that giving E a foot rub on my return returns me to where I want to be mentally.
After a good foot rub, we headed into the bedroom to snuggle and be close. I love to be next to her, with my head against her breasts with my head angled back, exposing my throat and collar to her. For years, I did not like snuggling, and I felt uncomfortable. During that time, she wanted to put her head on my chest and be comforted. I think I was uncomfortable because I subconsciously wanted to be the one being comforted not giving the comfort. Now, as I lie next to her with my neck exposed, and she softly pets my head, I feel a deep contentment and I relax in her love and acceptance.